Diary Entries Of A Murderer

I can see Julia's grave in front of me. And Carla's. Yet, I don't really remember that night. The night they died, I mean. I know that Julie was arguing. She was arguing with me. It was a long and loud argument. Something about a hospital of some kind. She wanted me to go there. I don't know why. I don't think I was sick. I think she had something in her hand. It was glinting in the dim light of the room. She kept repeating that I shouldn't go near her. I couldn't understand why. I loved her. She was my wife and I went closer to her. She was so beautiful. Her hair was soft and pretty. I took two steps towards her. She pointed the silver object she was holding. I held her, holding the shiny metal part towards her heart which was beating fast. Then, I kissed her and she fell to the floor, heavily. Red was her favourite colour. 3rd April 2004 Blackthorn Road Blackthorn Road. What a name! It reminds me of a thorn, a really big one, covered with dried blood – blackened. Then, there she was. She was wearing red stilettos, a matching red dress with a white belt around her slim waist. Her shoulder-length brown hair was floating with the wind. Her bare legs, looking as soft as a baby's, were exposed. She was taking long strides, walking in an elegant manner. She walked right past me. Without even noticing I was there. â€Å"Julia!† I called out. She kept on walking. I called her again. But she continued to ignore me. Rage swept through me. How dare she ignore me like that? I thought to myself. I walked over to her and grabbed her arm. â€Å"Farewell, beautiful.† 8th April 2004 My daughter's bedroom Her bedroom was always well-kept. It has a single bed, and a small desk that occupied one side of the bedroom. The room is empty. No one is at home. She must be watching television downstairs. I love her. What's her name though? Amanda? Or the other one, Carla? It must be Amanda. Then who was Carla? She walks in, her blue eyes wide. â€Å"What are you doing here? How did you get in?† â€Å"What do you mean? This is my house, little miss daughter.† â€Å"I am not your daughter. Your daughter is dead!† â€Å"What are you saying?† â€Å"You killed her! And you killed your wife! Don't you dare come near me! I'll call the police!† I look at her. How did she know I killed her mother? Did she see it? Will she report it to the police? She can't know this and survive. I have to make sure of that. 15th April 2004 Swordbill Hotel I am in room number 101. I want to talk to my Julie. I miss her. She was probably making dinner right now. I dial our house number. It rings several times. Where is she? I almost hung up when: â€Å"Hello?† It is a man's voice. There was not supposed to be a man at home. No man was allowed to visit Julia when I was not there. Julia is having an affair, I think angrily. â€Å"How could you do this to me Julia? And who the hell are you? What are you doing at my house? How dare you!† I slam the phone down. At the same instant, a woman came in. She saw me and started to scream. â€Å"Keep quiet, damn it!† She shuts up. â€Å"What did I ever do to you, Julia?† I said sadly. â€Å"Why did you have to do this to me? Don't you know how much I love you?† She was cowering towards the door looking nervously at me, nearly in tears. I got irritated. Doing that innocent princess act on me is not going to work, I thought, I would have to make her pay for what she did to me Very quickly, I grab her and drag her to the bed. I take a pillow. I put it on her mouth watching her tremble in fear. Then I put it on her eyes and kissed her goodbye. I could taste the salty tears that had fallen on her lips. I then cover her entire face with it and hold it tight. After she lay limp on the bed, I walked out the door. 20th April 2004 Prison bunk I don't know why those men put me in here. I don't think I've broken the law or anything. They keep talking about killing someone. I have no idea what they are talking about. It doesn't matter though. I called Julia. She'll come to bail me out after she picks up Carla from her ballet lessons.